Eager Porsche insurers do it best in the 911 Carrera 4S

Insurance policy that is.

As Insureyourporsche.co.uk recognise a man with impeccable taste, with sophistication, and with a recently cashed in pension plan; so why not consider blowing it on the 911 Carrera 4S? And, when you've completed that task - with your loose change, ask Insureyourporsche.co.uk to arrange your new Porsche's motor insurance. You can be sure that it won't cost the earth, but you'll also be aware that it's a motor insurance that covers you for every eventuality. A bit like the Carrera 4S. Fine.

It's not new, it's not necessarily the best, but it's the only one you'll ever be able to afford with the pittance you've just been paid out.

Read the Insureyourporsche.co.uk guide to third worst Porsche you can buy. But at least afford the motor insurance on...

Uses;

So straight to the car in question, and it's many wondrous, and equally important uses. Like being able to facilitate both forward and reverse motion and such like. Which in my book's always as good a place as any to start proceedings. The badge says it's a Porsche, albeit only three notches up the corporate ladder from the bargain basement, but look on the positive side. At least it's not a Vauxhall VX220. And remember - badges don't usually lie. Unless they're amateurishly soldered onto the business end of something General Motors have laboured thanklessly over. Money also doesn't lie - therefore £75,000 hints at a fairly reasonable way to humiliate the neighbour, after laughing at his preposterous topiary attempt.

The point being?

Well, this car makes you feel a whole lot better about yourself. God knows you need to. Whatsmore, it looks good. This rule applies whether you're of catwalk calibre, or, as is more likely the case, not. The Carrera 911 4S fits around your body in a manner that a proper sports car should. It's like being seen in a sort of half shell. Although that's where all comparisons with turtles will end. This car makes you feel desired, special, and even as luck would have it - sexy. Obviously to those on the outside, the people looking right through you, past your cheesy grin and regulation haircut and straight to the cut of your Teutonic metal.

But that's ok.

Get over it and move on.

Fast.

Because you can and they can't.

She's a bit of a wide lass the 911 Carrera 4S, what with her rear haunches spreading a further 2 inches than the standard Carrera, but I'm sure that won't be a new phenomenon for a man of your experience and candour. The Carrera 4S measures some, well, some distance, from the pilots crib to the adjacent ejector seat, and although the legendary Porsches are renown for their, how can I put it, butch element? ...it still distresses me to conclude that if it were blood, tissue and bone, she would be Rosie O'Donnell. With a bit of Martina Navratilova thrown in, for athletic purposes.

Uurrghh.

I'm sorry - the thought alone makes me shudder. And perhaps that's subconsciously where the problem lies? Just who wants to find themselves fitting snugly inside a great big lesbian? I think I'll leave that for now.

Is it fast?

e.g. - is it urgent enough when placed on tarmacadam? 179mph top end, 0-62mph in 4.8 seconds makes it no slouch. Infact, it could move you to say it could save you the cost of postage - So relatively previous when all's said and done. 3.8 litres of four-wheel drive transmission allows for much mobility, if the downside to that exhilarating fact is that you'll instantly possess an inescapable Vanilla Ice hairstyle makeover. Laid out neatly in a flat, six cylinder formation, she produces 355bhp at 6,600rpm. Mother of Mary! - that could bring a riot of colour to a rejoicing blind man as it hares past his observant Labrador . Apparently the brakes, suspension, wheels and tyres are nabbed from the much more powerful Carrera Turbo. The ashtray though? Well that's based on the VW Lupo, proving even at £75k you can't have everything.

What's it like inside then?

Like a car surprisingly. Seats are usually a point of conversation when discussing the cabin, and as to just where they're amassed. Which could be anywhere normally, as it's up to them what they get up to behind locked doors. One things for certain though, they'll squeal a lot. Due to the leather upholstery that is, which is so much easier to wipe stainage of any description from. Taken from a prime beef herd, in their, erm, prime, I'm sure they would have given their pointless lives with pleasure knowing they were going to have your plump, middle-management derriere resting on what was once their face. Electrically adjustable aswell. The seat that is. So, ones lady friend will experience a gentle buzz one way or another if she chooses your ride.

Have you mentioned the engine?

Found where it normally is on a 911, worn on the inside, and comprising of things I can barely spell let alone comprehend fully. For this I apologize, yet if you're desperate for Tech-Spec, become familiar with 'Classic Cars'. Alternatively, try to freeing yourself of the restraints of lamb's wool for a moment and carefully put your Volvo down, and slowly walk away. Thing is, I've chatted enough donkey kong in previous lines about vital stats to bore the hind legs off my cat, next doors cat and the ones round the back of the 'Balti Express'.

Any extras with that sir?

Brakes. Not just any brakes mind. Beefy buggers that bring you to a halt. I give you.. the amazing stopping power of Porsche's Ceramic Composite Braking System, or Pccbs for those attempting to perfect their speech impediment; combined with the exceptional grip of fat rubber. 295/30 lashed around 18" alloys is what the arches have to house. That's an awful lot of tyre to cope with. And what an aural treat we have in store for all you fans of sheer, unabated, noise too. Brought to you in association with that thunderous flat six engine - it's the perfect antidote for the deafening sound of silence. Sneak up on a 'twitcher', and then give your Porsche some beans. So providing, literally seconds of amusement to the participant.

So what's the verdict?

If you can't afford one, which in fairness wouldn't be surprising, I would strongly urge you to nick one. I don't usually condone such wanton extra-curricular activity, but I feel that if you opted to take this without the owners consent it wouldn't be the end of the world. Okay, it would be the end of your freedom to roam (once you put it back in its box) and to replicate yourself, and you'd also pick up some unfortunate showering habits; but life would go on. Nice motor. Sell your mother. No, better still; barter your entire family...

Not something you have to do when insuring your Porsche. Well, not if you ask Insureyourporsche.co.uk, who will be only too happy to help make the necessary arrangements. Insureyourporsche.co.uk cannot help sell your odd family members, but guaranteed can, and will, find you the best motor insurance policy for your beloved Porsche.